
She was considered a dynamite of sorts within the family and beyond. A spoonful of mustard seeds in hot oil. Short tempered and tyrannical at times. Not approachable to most. Often shouted at. And criticised at the drop of a hat. And it never was anyone’s fault. She just had a very intimidating demeanour.
She was my Mother-in-Law. I called her ‘Amma’. And our relationship ethereally evolved around generous magical potions of rasams!
I was deeply fond of her. While I must admit, I was a tad overwhelmed with her initially. I was only 27 years old when I married her daughter. But as time wove our relationship into threads of blissful expressions and experiences, I began to discover one of the most amazing human beings on earth.
I don’t recall a single day when we ever drew swords at each other. Common practice though, with most others around her. We in fact shared a dynamic solace in each other’s company. In me she found a pampering and adoring confidante. In her I found a woman who justifiably, prided herself of being enlightened in a kaleidoscope of talents ranging from green fingered gardening to culinary expertise. It was the latter that bonded us constantly. And I’ll come to that in a while.
But what really made our relationship so deeply entwined? It was the manner in which we spent time together. The things we did for each other, unabashedly and inclusively. Like, she loved it when I massaged her scalp with coconut oil and then made two neat, oily platinum plaits for her to admire. Like when I would lift her in my arms and swing her around when no one was looking while she softly and embarrassingly giggled like a teenager. Like when I would quietly and attentively listen to all her complaints without arguing over it. Like when she would walk me around her garden making me memorise the names of every plant and flower as if I had discovered them for the first time. And I would feign I had. And like when I would buy her all those dry, spicy street snacks she loved and pretend I loved them as much as she did!
Now what made me connect with her? Her vulnerability which no one really saw. The rare ‘Mona Lisa smile’ that flashed fleetingly and mostly when she was with me. A heart so warm and loving when not intimidated. An amazing sense of loyalty and commitment when respected. And an empowering flow of knowledge and wisdom when not criticised.
And of course, her deliciously irresistible range of Rasams that she knew she had me hooked on to. Oh, what a range that was! I bet you would have never heard of most of them. Potato rasam, spinach rasam, tomato rasam, lime rasam, mixed vegetable rasam, chilly rasam and even capsicum rasam. Ah YES, the cauliflower one too!! Each precisely cooked to match the experimental mood of the day.
She was the 5′ nothing tall MasterChef and I her 6′ everything tall guinea pig who hovered around her, hungrily most of the time. She would be churning up all these wonders in the kitchen while I would be standing behind readily supplying all the ingredients with a promptness of a starving man knowing his empty belly would soon be filled far above the brim.
And as our relationship evolved on a continuous, there were 6 nuggets of wisdom I discovered. The 6th only when she was no more:
#Love Is A Many Splendored Thing
Love has several dimensions. Each a miracle in itself. Each dimension can manifest the best in people. Each can bring out the excellence of the very Being within. Love can be so deeply bonding that it can tear through inhibitions and tie two people into a tight knot of faith and trust.
#Respect Is Natural And Not Earned
Respect stems from deep within. It is not ‘earned’ as constantly ingrained into us from childhood. Respect is not a give and take convenience. It’s a natural force that builds up relationships enthused with trust and confidence. When you respect Life and everything that evolves in it you will experience an existence from a higher level of consciousness. Amma and I shared a mutual respect for each other. She respected me for the respect I showered on her. I respected her for teaching me how not to see with just my eyes but with my Soul.
#To Be Grateful Is To Be Humble
When you harbour a deep sense of Gratitude within, you will view each of the elements of Life humbly, modestly, respectfully, and in its truest sense. Your entire existence depends entirely on several elements that surround you. A simple example is the respect and love that Amma had for all her plants. She would often bow to all her plants in her garden with gratitude whenever we visited it, because she knew that our lungs depended on them. For her, Gratitude was a natural flow of emotion that needed to be released towards every element that made us whole.
#Being Simple Is To Lead An Uncomplicated Life
We are at times so engrossed with handling challenges, as we meander through life, that we lose out on moments of pure simplicity. And that’s what makes our lives extremely complicated. A simple act of standing dedicatedly in a kitchen and conjuring up a rasam concoction, whenever we were together, led to a simple relationship filled with love and appreciation for each other. We did things – simple things, uncomplicated things – for each other that kept us bonded for a lifetime, quite simply!
#Don’t Let The Child In You Die
Amma and I did things without batting an eyelid when no one was around. Hugging, playing, harmlessly gossiping, tending to her plants, discovering the beauty of the colours of her flowers and her heart, and of course cooking rasam together! And through out, Amma would be less mother and more child. Expressing herself without fear of criticism. Speaking her thoughts out innocently, trustingly. And the child that I experienced in her connected with the child within me constantly. Through this I learned that the only way to live life joyously was to never let that child in me die.
#Love, Laugh and Live
This was my final learning when Amma eventually left to be at the Lotus Feet of our Lord. When she died, an era ceased to exist forever. An era filled with love, laughter and living a life filled with simplicity, honesty, respect, modesty and most of all a deep appreciation for what we meant to each other. That’s all it takes to cruise through this amazingly inspiring journey called LIFE!
So love, laugh and live as long as the heart beats. Because when it stops, an era will end and nothing but memories will remain. Not even sadly, the rasams…
s you fly over it!!!